Today I saw something that kinda scared me - if nothing else, then made me think. Long and hard. About reality, the presence, future, outlook on life, expectancy, abilities etc, etc, etc. Let's just say my head hurts now more then ever.
Two boys, maybe five years old, with rifles. Plastic toys, off course, but still. I'm not oppose guns - not that I am the next spokesperson for the NRA, but I do believe in every man's right to bare arms... I wear tank tops myself, so... :)
Jokes aside. We're talking about kids here!
They were putting up a war strategy, 'shooting' on one another, killing one another - then they rose, again and kept on running, yelling things like "You can't kill me, I've got my invisibility shield on!" or "I'm not dead, I'm immortal!". I don't blame TV nor the computer games, but maybe they have a little something to do with the fact that kids of today think they are truly invincible...
I blame the parents. Because it's easier to put a kid in front of the TV or the computer and get a couple of hours to yourself rather then having to put up with the why's and where's and whatfor's. I get it, I completely do, but then again, cause and effect.
That's another reason to why I don't want kids - I'm fairly sure I'd be a shitty mother. I would never be a good role-model. I'd be the kind of mother that worked too soon after giving birth, leaving the kid with grandparents and nannies and private daycare, and then travel around the world, dragging him or her along, take long latte pauses with friends, forcing him or her to read tons of books and not bother me with the constant questions...
Kids are like sponges, they suck up every single word, action, event they hear, see, live through and store in their huge, empty brains, filling them up for later. Then they repeat things, in a wrong way, at the wrong time, giving you bad reputation over things you never got to enjoy doing. And what's worst is, they know way more then you expect them to.
And you can hurt them by one bad stare, one wrong word, one single minute when you falter in your being.
You shape them, creating the people that will grow up and rule this world, and hopefully choose your retirement home. You have to be firm yet kind, educative yet adaptive, holding them up so they don't fall yet let them learn from falling... I don't think I could do that.
I'd be a bad role-model. How can you shape someone else's life, when you barely can handle your own?
Too much pressure. Too much resting on my shoulders. I argumentative and rarely back down from a challenge, but this one might be way over my head.
So yeah, I'm giving in, giving up, throwing in the towel.
I'd be a bad role model...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
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5 komentarze:
Deep thoughts. it's good to think about this. have been doing the same.
i'd like to write out a whole 10 year plan for my kids before having them; regulate their education and their value system. but it won't work out like that, and there's no time to plan so much, and it might not work.... very risky. and my dad warns me that if i don't bring them up right, I'm gonna be left alone in my old age, esp after my hubby dies, with a bunch of loud-mouthed kids whom I don't know and don't like; hence the need to train them and make sure they turn into people I like ;-)
Nobody's a born mother. There wouldn't be a thousand books on parenting if that werent true. Not that those books are of any use anyway. I think if you had a baby, then you'd learn to be the best you could be.
And yeah I used to play with toy guns all the time when I was a kid. But I knew then that the real ones were "bad" n could kill someone. My parents taught me that. They also taught me at a very tender age that drugs could kill and smoking can end up being very painful. I'd never do anything like that now.
I know nobody's born a mother and that I'd probably grow into the job if I'd be forced to it, but I don't think I want to try.
I don't think that I would be any good at it.
I don't think that doing your best is necessarily always good enough...
It is overwhelming to think about your own mistakes being soaked up by those sponges-- although some psychologists, thankfully, have the theory of the "good enough" parent, which is a bit more refreshing...
Psychologist might, Princess, but I don't think I do. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be good enough...
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