Here's the thing - is love defined by the urge to protect someone away from the surrounding world?
We argued about this for a while last night, because we don't see eye to eye. Crushed consists in his beliefs that when you love someone you just want to wrap that person (in his case, unexplainably, Sara Sidle) into your arms and take care of them.
In my beliefs, that's what you do to a stray dog, not someone you love.
Maybe I'm the ultimate relationship altruist, but I think that when you merge two lives, you should try and wrap as little as possible. I mean, just because you are a couple doesn't mean you have to switch the "me" to an "us".
That's by the way extremely enervating, when a person describes him or herself (for some reason, this happens mostly around women) as 'us'.
Wrapping someone up in the proverbial blanket of comfort, taking care of them, hiding them away from the world - okay, in theory it might sound comfortable for a while, but let's face it, we all have lives of our own to go on with.
Merging two lives does not mean you give up on individuality. You owe it to yourself and everybody around you to keep nurturing an individualistic trait, where you have your own friends, your own hobbies, your own duties. Because being together 24/7 is tiring in the long run.
Heck, try being together for 24 consecutive hours and see if bloodshed wont be the inevitable result!
(she said, realizing she might be the only person in this world that is that difficult to live with)
Actually, I've never had complaints about being too clingy - it's the other way around, while in a relationship, I seemingly spend far too little time with my significant other. Or so I've been told.
Could it be that I've just been taught to take care of myself as a grownup and manage my own wishes and needs and wants and not constantly lean upon others to fix my life, wrap me into that already mentioned proverbial blanket and hide me away from the world that sometimes rejects me, and rejects me harsh?
Or maybe love is just that - individual - and nobody is a hand to glove to someone else. We adapt, but should never give ourselves up.
A man marries a woman, hoping she'll never change, but she does.
A woman married a man, hoping he will change, but he never does.
How about this - the person you fell in love with, with all the quirks, the neuroses, the borderline psychosis, the looks, the temper, the works. You fell in love with that person. If s/he changes, is it the same person? Or are you just meant to be with someone else?
Another issue - the One and Only? Crap!
If I have to look for one single person that I'm suited for in every aspect (and the prospect of that relationship bores the hell out of me right off the bat), I might as well curl up and die. Many people in this world, about half of them men - so many men, so little time!
Besides, how should I deduct the One and Only - by trial and error? Eh... drag me naked through the rosebushes and slap a sticker on me right now - slut, anyone?
Love is unexplainable. Love is unpredictable. Love is hugging someone one minute just to shout and throw stuff in the next. Love is respect and friendship, but not only - love is when you feel your heart thumping like a horny rabbit in your chest for no apparent reason more then a smile, a smell, the sound of that familiar voice you can't get enough of...
Love is giving each other space. At least it is for me. I'm not a hugable person.
...but today I really, really need a hug...
*sigh*
11 komentarze:
*Sigh*
"Love" is a complex reaction of a variety of hormones and chemicals designed to maximise the stability of the environment from which useful darwinian genes can be passed from one generation to the next.
"Love" is also a flimsy (and often frustratingly unanswerable) excuse to accept untenable relationships simply because the person "in love" is actually too afraid to change the status quo.
I personally think there are a lot more real and important emotions to worry about than some airy-fairy catch-all dreamed up by Hallmark...
But I'll give you a hug anyway!
((hug))
I do agree with you ON THE WHOLE.
I agree with you about couples and much of what you say about people spending too much time together.
But you don't have to have somebody permanently under your eye to feel protective towards them.
The point is, you ALWAYS want what's best for them, that's the point.
That is a pretty big discussion.
I don't think that I can really define love in terms of oneself. The only thing that I have ever heard is that the person you are with should be the one that you can't live without. It is not about being in need of them in terms of being around tehm all the time but that you want to have one another around during the great times and the tough times.
Love is so many things then... I dont believe in it- people change the rules to suit and get away with by calling it 'Love'. Loosing the 'me' for 'us' is the biggest fear to me- I guess im selfish and have got used to doing whatever i want/can and now its difficult to find compromise.
Hugs are fine though
i just watched csi... and while i don't feel the love for sara sidle, ('coz i'm like straight...) i will certainly like to wrap eric szmanda up and squeeze him haha!
besides that, what do i know bout relationships and the merging of 2 lives?
props for the dandy use of "Hide U"- love that dance song!!
Space is a GOOD thing! Co-dependents scare me almost as much as clowns!
I so wanted you to break into the scene from "Moulin Rouge" about "love is a many splendor thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you needs is love...love is just a game..."
Oh, I love the azuzephre pics!
> How about this - the person you fell in love with, with all the quirks, the neuroses, the borderline psychosis, the looks, the temper, the works. You fell in love with that person. If s/he changes, is it the same person? Or are you just meant to be with someone else?
They're the same person, but they might not be the person you want to be with now. Guess we choose ppl based on what they behave like, not who they are. Behaviour changes, personality less so, except in the face of traumatic events, eg war; in which case, it can't be helped if they part ways.
> Actually, I've never had complaints about being too clingy - it's the other way around, while in a relationship, I seemingly spend far too little time with my significant other. Or so I've been told.
Ai yah. I'm the opposite ;-) They say I'm too demanding, but I learn quick, so can just as easily go the other way. Thing is, there are no greys for me; so the choice is between having me constantly on their bum, where I arrange my life around them, or me just doing my own stuff and fitting them in when there's time ;-)
Interesting post; love is always interesting ;-)
You sounded a bit like my ex girlfriend there, then you have an image by BrOkEn-HeArT-X_x at the end, one of her favorite artists.
Funny, I don't remember there being a twin....
Hope you got your hug, with or without strings attached, depending on the circumstances.
Here through Crushed's blog.
I love what you have written :-)
If you really love someone, give them wings ;-)
how about virtual hugs?
the other thing about love is it's flexible, it's a different thing for different people.
i gave up on 'the one' years ago. and then i found her. she will change over the years, and maybe how i see her will change too, but i don't think the essence i fell for will.
but it's different for different folks, so do what works for you, share the love, share the hugs when you're in the mood and take your space when you want it. nothing wrong with that approach at all.
I think that's the most intelligent piece of writing about love by someone who admits to never having experienced it. Of course the experience is irrational, being based on hope and faith as much as reality.
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