Someone asked me how you can be in a two year relationship without ever falling in love.
It’s simple, really. Very simple.
There are tons of reasons why people are in relationships that transcend love. Or never reach to the ankles of love, should I say. I’m not going to list them all, because that would be redundant and a complete waste of internet space (yes, that too can run out at some point).
When you care for someone, like them, see them as your best friend – it is easy to confuse that for long enough to get used to being together. I believe a lot of people stay together for the simple reason of being used to having someone to come home to.
For a lot, being with someone beats being alone. Never mind that someone might not be someone for them, someone they love. Or maybe then do.
But being comfortable and being used to being together is the main issue.
“Marriage of convenience”, one could say. I scratch your back, you’ll scratch mine. No man is an island and all that crap. Because when it boils down to it, everybody needs someone else at some point in time. May it be for emotional, physical or purely financial reasons. Tax cuts. Not sleeping alone. A hand to hold in public.
It’s easy to be together without being in love.
It’s easy to have a relationship without having love. Not all of us have to choose, but some do. And some choose just because they want to.
And trust me – where there’s no heart, there’s no complications. Or at least a hell lot less. Clean slates. No heart – no heart ache.
So yes, my longest relationship has been for two years. I really, really cared for him. My second longest relationship was almost a year. I was almost in love. Almost.
But no, I’ve never been in love.
It’s simpler that way. Less messy. Clean slates. Clean cuts.
…and I do like my life tidy.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 komentarze:
so what is wanting all the tidiness in life about? Sometimes making a mess of tings can be good dont you think?
Or maybe its easier to be in love without being together?
No, I disagree.
Being together without being in love, been there, done that, got to the T-shirt.
Why bother?
Thanks for your reply. :) I did not think that it was going to inspire a post. Very interesting, I must say!
How exactly would you define "love"? I suppose that caring about someone is one of the core ingredients of a loving relationship. Are you saying that you cared for the person, but were not physically attracted?
As the saying goes, "it takes two to tango"! If you spent two years with a person without feeling any love towards that individual, how was the other person reacting during all that time? I would have felt quite bad to be with a person for two years, hoping that there is a strong love bond, only to discover that the other person was with me for reasons other than those related to love! I find it even harder to spend two years with a person and be physically intimate with that individual if I do not feel attracted to that person!
Normally, before initiating a relationship, there is a courting phase. Some flirting here and there, some sweet gestures to attract the other person...weren't these elements present to help you decide to commit yourself to someone for approximately 24 months?
I have been in both. What disturbed me the most is, after the love faded in one relationship, the memories faded so easily, too.
Red is right. The 'in love' is that last paragraph; the stuff you feel BEFORE you get together ;-) I was way past that when I got together, and only got together cos my teacher caught me with my ex holding hands crossing the road, and said either she'd tell my parents, or I should; so my ex and I both assumed that this meant she wanted us to formally get together... and I stayed FOUR years (because I really do get along easily with anyone ;-)). You've had 2 tries... take a rest til you're bored, I'd say ;-)
Post a Comment